Battle Los Angeles, a film for those who dislike originality

3/5 stars
Battle Los Angeles, or BLA as I will now refer to it, has no surprises or confusing plot lines. Seriously, if you get confused, you are no longer in possession of any brain cells. If you’re looking for bog-standard aliens invade Earth movie, you could do worse than BLA.
It’s not necessarily a bad thing to be at standard level but it feels like a missed opportunity. Some of the more enterprising aliens invade movies out there – Monster, District 9 – are pushing the basic story, taking us into unfamiliar and fascinating areas. BLA, against this, is a step back.
Which is such a shame. It made me cry at one point- I don’t cry much – so it’s not all explosions and stupidity. The script slips into wince-worthy areas on occasion. Otherwise, the characters are well rounded and the dialogue snappy.
I can also praise BLA for its realism, as far as that goes in a sci-fi film. People get hurt and stay hurt: characters you care about die: the writers has spent time figuring out how the aliens might work and, most importantly, countdown timers actually work in real time- as opposed to the majority which live in the stretchy time dimension.
Aaron Eckhart plays the main character, Staff Sergeant Nantz – and you will remember the ‘Staff Sergeant’ bit, they repeat it so often. His face is amazing. He appears to be permanently on the verge of bursting into tears, which is an odd expression for a marine. That said, he’s the one who made me cry, so perhaps it’s a crafty way to make me sympathise.
Like him, the rest of the cast is well chosen. Michelle Rodriguez pops up, to absolutely no-one’s surprise, as the spunky girl ready to show the guys what she’s made of. I get the impression there’s a catalogue in every casting agency’s cupboard and under ‘Tough girls’, Rodriguez’s name is at the top of a very short list. She’s heavily type cast, but then Rodriguez plays it so well. The other women in BLA are equally useful. At no point did it feel like a character had been put in for sex appeal, which immediately bumps up BLA in my estimation. Only bad movies feel the need to go for sex appeal.
You’re probably wondering why I’ve yet to tell you the basic plot. BLA is so unoriginal, you can probably guess the major plot points. I watched ten minutes of the movie and already knew how it was going to end. This is not because of foresight, divination or because I’m clever (I’m not). Look away now if you don’t want to know what happens.
Retired/retiring cop/soldier is drafted back in against his/her will because, damn it all, them aliens are invading and said protagonist steps up to the mark, to do what needs to be done. The middle bit of the movie is fluid so insert your own dance routine/explosions. It’s not really important what happens here but a few things usually ensue. The protagonist finds out a few things about the aliens and he/she often finds out where their command base/important equipment is. This second element is always the alien’s Achilles heel and will result in them losing the battle/war.
The end goes one of two ways. The Achilles heel is stabbed and all the aliens, planet wide, are destroyed or forced to leave Earth. Or the heel is stabbed and the way in which it is stabbed is passed around the world so, they too, can cause foot injuries.
There are so many ways in which this formula could be improved, including throwing it out the window. While I personally didn’t like District 9, I can praise it for originality and for having the courage to be different. The idea of aliens in general has been used long before the first moon landings and it’s limited to imagination only. There’s so much of the iceberg left to explore and we need to start asking for something more imaginative.
Do it or Staff Sergeant Nantz will start crying, and no-one wants that.